I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
