No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
