I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
