I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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