I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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