Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
