people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
