Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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