so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just had sex bonerless
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
