when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
