You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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