my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
