girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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