And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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