Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize