ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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