just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
