broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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