At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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