For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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