it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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