Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
