Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
