After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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