I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
