If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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