Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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