Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
