Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
