when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
