At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
