I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
