Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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