Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
