I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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