and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
