Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
