NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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