Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
