I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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