Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
