you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
third nipple confirmed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
