I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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