I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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