Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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