take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize