Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
