I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
