Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
