Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
