I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Everyone says I win the strip club
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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