I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who died my cat blue again?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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