Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
