Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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