just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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