I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
