he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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