Ambien. No doubt about it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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