the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
