so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
