Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
