If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
