A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
