yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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