Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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