I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
