Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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